What if I’m tired of being strong for everyone else?

The Exhaustion of Carrying Everyone

Ask and Heal Advice Column

Q: What if I’m tired of being strong for everyone else?

Being the strong one can feel like a full-time job you never applied for.
The kind where love is earned, not given — and burnout is the only promotion.

Ahhhh… the good ole warrior and soulful martyr mentality — one I’ve struggled with almost my entire life.
And I know I’m not alone.

The Lessons I Inherited

My momma taught me how to be strong, loving, and giving.
The problem was, she didn’t teach boundaries. There were no limits.

So I gave — until I was drowning in depression, anxiety, financial strain, and emotional depletion. Especially when it came to family.

My dad? He taught me the opposite. He still reminds me to assess balance, reciprocity, and connection. He says:

“You have to deal with each person individually — based on how much time, money, and emotional availability you actually have to give.”

Because not everyone deserves full access.

Burnout Wears a Badge

Family will act like they’re above boundaries.
Friends and employers will drain you dry.

And if you’re not careful, you’ll lose yourself trying to be everything for everybody.

When we grow up in households with traditional morals and values, we often carry strength like a badge of honor. Especially when you come from what feels like a “strong family.”

You wear it with pride.
The good ole purple heart.
It tells the world you’ve sacrificed. Been loyal. Showed up for family, friends, lovers, and even your boss.

All the while… forgetting they can replace you.
Because they can. And they will.
You’re giving to everyone. And no one’s pouring back into you.

“Everyone’s Withdrawing from Your ATM”

In May of 2016, I heard these words from Louise L. Reed (@heinspires4real), activist and producer of Decoded Story Lab and Street Cred Reform Alliance:

“Everyone is withdrawing from your ATM but no one is making deposits.”

And whew… that quote hit deep.
You give without limits. Without hesitation. Without care for your refill.

Now you’re wiped out.
Burnt out.
Tired.
Angry.
Resentful.
Just plain ole sick of this shit.

And those people you once adored?
You start looking at them sideways.

Where the Strong Get Broken

The danger of being strong for everyone else is…
You have no strength left for yourself.

Where does this come from?

For many of us, there was a time when we didn’t receive the unconditional love, care, or support we needed.
So when we did something nice and got a reaction, it felt like gold.

We became helpers to feel needed.
We learned to trade our care for crumbs of connection.

But Let You Need Help…

You’re sending an SOS — and the very people you slowed down for?
Made space for?

They don’t notice.
They don’t respond.
Because they’ve gotten used to you being the one who never needs anything.

They believe you’ll figure it out.
You always do.

That’s gaslighting.
That’s fraud.
They talk like they’ll be there for you. But they won’t. And most times, they never were.

Are you willing to accept that truth?

The Resentment That Follows

You built a dependency mindset.
You help even when it hurts.
You give until you're emotionally and physically drained.

And then you start to resent not just others, but yourself.

That’s your sign:
It’s time to become more assertive.

Boundaries Aren’t Walls — They’re Safety Zones

They protect your mind.
Your spirit.
Your money.
Your body.

When you protect your energy, you create space to support others without self-abandonment.
That balance between independence and connection?
That’s where healthy love lives.

Healing Will Feel Like Loneliness at First

As you begin healing, loneliness may creep in.
But that’s not a curse — that’s your soul adjusting to freedom.

You’ll feel your inner perimeter expand.
Your spiritual strength will sharpen.

And anyone who violates that space?
Swift removal. No hesitation.

Not everyone gets in.
Some will. Some won’t.

That’s discernment.
And that’s what you want.

Let the Boundaries Reveal the Truth

Confidence in oneself grows when you set boundaries.
But boundaries reveal truth.

Some folks will respect them.
Others will reject them and flip it on you.
Make you feel unseen.
Unheard.
Too much.

But let me remind you:

Your soul is knocking on your heart and mind — begging you to see your own strength and beauty.

Your Soul Deserves Your Full Attention

We’re often scared to set boundaries because we’re scared to lose people.
But eventually, your love for yourself must speak louder than your fear of being left.

Take your power back.
It is divinely yours.
You own it. Nobody else.

Your soul is begging for the same undivided attention you’ve given to everyone else.

Maybe it’s time to pause.
To go into hermit mode.
To get still.
Reacclimate yourself.

Pour back into you — and your household — before you give to anyone else.

Sometimes, you just want to be held.
To breathe calmly without the weight of chaos.
To be loved on. Understood and cared for.

To have someone do something just for you, with no strings attached.
No scorekeeping.
No secret agenda.

Everything You Give Costs You Something

Life is duality.
It’s always about balance.

Ask yourself:

Who and what truly deserve your energy?

Because anything you give your time, money, or spirit to pulls energy away from something else.

So make sure it’s worth it.

Need Support?

If you would like to have a personal session, click the link below and schedule an appointment:
👉🏾 www.theunorthodoxcounselor.com/rhinehart-counseling-services